Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
