after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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