Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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