i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
