i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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