Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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