I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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