I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
