so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
