The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
