I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
