His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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