I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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