If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
