just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
