woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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