hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I could make wine with my vomit
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
