do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
