i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
