question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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