well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
