hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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