I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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