it's like iHOP with fire
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
