Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Quick, to the slutcave!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
