the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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