When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
