He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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