I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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