He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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