the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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