it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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