One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
