Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
