i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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