I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
