I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
