You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
