I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
