So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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