A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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