got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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