So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
