Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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