My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
