help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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