can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
