You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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