my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
