So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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