we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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