Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(913): View more from Kansas

My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.

Fav 19 4705 1026
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(609): View more from New Jersey

He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.

Fav 23 1325 4421
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(317): View more from Indiana

She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here

Fav 2 2510 1047
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(336): View more from North Carolina

If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice

Fav 8 3915 1047
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(971): View more from Oregon

Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?

Fav 11 1018 3259
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(269): View more from Michigan

If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you

Fav 5 2161 1032
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(630): View more from Illinois

You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.

(1-630): View more from Illinois

I don't even want to know

Fav 3 1462 793
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(270): View more from Kentucky

Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"

Fav 8 959 508
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(805): View more from California

come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat

Fav 0 53 21
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