Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just invented taco cereal.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
