ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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