I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
