Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
