we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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