i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just found a bag of teeth...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize