You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My liver just broke up with me...
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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