He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
