I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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