Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
