Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
