he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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