i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
